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     Quote of the Day:I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late at night. - Marie Corelli Today's BOTD:  Thanks to my good bud Sandy for this next one: Oh Lordy, for you working folks, it must be Monday again. So, get a move on as fast as you can. Right, Boyz?  Taking it on the road:  Remember the lines from that classic Billy Joel song: "Well, it might just be a lunatic you're looking for." The questions on this quiz are a tad goofy, so you can't help but succeed at being an historical lunatic of some sort:  Which Historical Lunatic Are You? I'll be needing one of these snowplow wheelchairs pretty soon:  And now something for the bedroom:  Let's not forget the kitchen:  Hey boobula. Not up on the lastest 'computer-speak'? Well, here's a Computer Slang Primer for ya. A coupla clever ads:  Another Slimfast Ad:  Quite a discount:  More bar trivia with Cliff:  Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.Petting zoos originated in Australia. The camel that holds the world record for spitting can spit 92 feet. Glaucoma increases the structural integrity of the human eye by 28 percent. A recent Harvard University study found that students who attend private schools are six times more likely to be depressed at the age of 30. The average tennis shoe will travel 521 miles in its lifetime. Frogs are more prone to pollutant-borne mutations than any other vertebrate. To be a supervising lifeguard at a New York municipal pool, applicants need to be able to run a mile in under 5 minutes. Applicants for the New York Police Department need to run the mile in under 7 minutes. The mousepad was invented in 1974 by James Spencer, a former carpet salesman. 96 percent of owners of automobiles manufactured by Jaguar voted in the last election. Health experts estimate that over 80 percent of people with appendical ulcers do not know they have one. One in 280 men with mustaches spend more than 15 minutes every day applying mustache wax. Starbucks takes its name from the British explorer Starbuck McAffee who brought the coffee bean back to Europe. Dwight Eisenhower was voted "Class Clown" by the Abilene High School class of 1908. 12 percent of Ecstasy tablets seized by the police are imprinted with cartoon characters. Interesting theory about girlz - size and shape affects personality:  You've seen them Mastercard Priceless picture takeoffs, right? Well not to be outdone, here's one from VISA:  Now, does this 'hood ornament' come with the car?  My kinda bar girlz:  Nice Top, Darlin':  A girl's gotta find something fun to do on those long bus rides:  ***************** A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to his barber who responded, "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty and full of Italians. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?" "We're taking American Airlines," was the reply. "We got a great rate!" "American Airlines?" exclaimed the barber. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?" "We'll be at the downtown International Marriott." "That dump? That's the worst hotel in the city. The rooms are small, the service is surly and they're overpriced. So, whatcha doing when you get there?" "We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope." "That's funny," laughed the barber. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it." A month later, the man again came in for his regular haircut. The barber asked him about his trip to Rome. "It was wonderful," explained the man, "not only were we on time in one of American Airlines s brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a beautiful 28-year-old stewardess who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel -- it was great! They'd just finished a $25 million remodeling job, and now it's the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us the presidential suite at no extra charge! " "Well," muttered the barber, "I know you didn't get to see the Pope." "Actually, we were quite lucky, for as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the Pope likes to personally meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down as he spoke a few words to me." "Really?" asked the barber. "What'd he say?" He said, "Where'd you get the shitty haircut? Later on, Crouton  Colin at 4:17 AM Just some odds and ends for today. I've got to do some major blog hopping today, so's I can catch up on what's going on with everybody. 'Braveheart' named worst film on list of undeserving Oscar winners By Ciar Byrne, Media Correspondent The glorification of a hero who triumphed over the English delighted Scots everywhere, but Mel Gibson's Braveheart has been branded the least deserving film ever to win an Oscar. Days before the 77th Academy Awards, the film has topped a list of the 10 worst movies to have been awarded the best picture Oscar. The list, compiled by the film magazine Empire , gives the thumbs-down to ten Oscar winners between 1933 and 2001 including Forrest Gump , Rocky and the 1956 version of Around The World In 80 Days starring David Niven. Some of the winners had deprived far more worthy films of the award, including Singin' In The Rain , The Maltese Falcon and Pulp Fiction , the magazine said. Braveheart , which won in 1995, is described as a "typical piece of Pom-bashing" with dialogue that has "all the thudding subtlety of a parody". "It groans under the grandiose historical pomposity that had made El Cid , 55 Days At Peking and Khartoum such colossal bores in the early 1960s," said Patrick Peters, the critic who drew up the list. A Beautiful Mind , the biopic of the maths prodigy John Forbes Nash Jr. starring Russell Crowe and Jennifer Connolly "came within a whisker of taking the top slot". Mr Peters said: "Suffering has always gone down big with the Academy, but it's the folks on screen not those buying the tickets who are meant to suffer." Cecil B De Mille's circus drama The Greatest Show on Earth , which beat films such as John Ford's The Quiet Man to the best picture award in 1952, is named the third worst winner. It is followed in fourth place by Robert Redford's directorial debut Ordinary People , which won in 1980 and is described as "nothing more than a TV movie that got lucky". At number five, Stephen Spielberg's Forrest Gump , which scooped the prize over The Shawshank Redemption in 1994 is dismissed as a "saccharine confection" that summed up "Tinseltown's ghastly self-satisfaction". Other films on the list include Terms of Endearment , the mother and daughter tear-jerker starring Shirley MacLaine, Jack Nicholson and Debra Winger, which won the best picture Oscar in 1983 - "among Hollywood's worst years" according to Peters. Cavalcade , Frank Lloyd's adaptation of a Noel Coward play about the lives of a London family with "bogus upstairs-downstairs accents", should not have triumphed over the musical 42nd Street in 1933, he said. Peters added that John Huston's The Maltese Falcon or Orson Welles' Citizen Kane should have won in 1941 rather than John Ford's How Green Was My Valley . Explaining his selection criteria, Mr Peters said: "Critical worth is almost irrelevant where bestowing the best picture award is concerned. Scope and scale, the civic validity of the storyline, the plushness of the production values and the tissue count during those crucial heart-warming moments are what matter." Stephen Gaydos, the executive editor of Variety , described the list as silly. He said: "This is a purely subjective exercise. There's no way to measure something like a film. I'm not the world's number one fan of Braveheart , but the film won awards, sold millions of cinema tickets and entertained millions of people." He said his own list would have included Dances With Wolves , which won best picture in 1990. Will Lawrence, the deputy editor of Empire , said the selection had been the personal choice of the critic: "Obviously the choice is very subjective and it caused quite a lot of controversy in the office." ACADEMY AWARD SINNERS: 1 Braveheart (1995) 2 A Beautiful Mind (2001) 3 The Greatest Show On Earth (1952) 4 Ordinary People (1980) 5 Forrest Gump (1994) 6 Terms Of Endearment (1983) 7 Around the World In 80 Days , above (1956) 8 Cavalcade (1933) 9 Rocky (1976) 10 How Green Was My Valley (1941) Top 10 Criminal Acts: Credit Bureau or Union - Massachusetts: Two masked gunmen burst into the Old Colony Credit Bureau in Plymouth, Massachusetts and ordered four employees to lie face down on the floor. After ransacking the office, the bandits fled with about fifty dollars and some jewelry. The men probably did not realize that a credit bureau compiles credit reports and keeps very little cash on hand. I'm 21: A man walked into the corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the money from the cash register. After the cashier put the money in the bag as instructed, the man demanded the bottle of Scotch he saw behind the counter. The cashier refused to hand over the Scotch because he did not believe the man was 21. The robber swore he was, but still the clerk refused. Finally, the robber handed over his ID and proved that he was indeed twenty-one. As soon as he left, the cashier called and gave the police the name and address of the man who had just robbed the store. The suspect was arrested two hours later. Idiot With A Gun - Virginia: A man walked into his local convenience store and placed a gun on the cashier's temple. The man demanded all the money, which he received, and then left. On his way out, the thief shot himself in the arm. What He Should Have done - Oklahoma City, OK: Dennis Newton was on trial for the armed robbery of a convenience store when he decided to fire his attorney. Oklahoma City District Attorney said Newton was doing a decent job until the store manage testified that Newton was indeed the robber. Newton jumped up, accused the woman of lying and then said, " I should have blown your f***ing head off" The defendant paused then added "If I had been the one that was there." The jury deliberated for twenty minutes before returning a verdict of guilty and recommended a sentence of thirty years. Cub Tickets - Chicago, IL: Chicago were trying to track down several people without standing arrest warrants when they though of a brilliant idea. They sent all the criminals free tickets to a Cubs game. When the people arrived, they were promptly arrested. Real Address -Long Beach, New York: A nervous holdup man fled a Long Beach supermarket without a penny but was arrested afterward at his home. He had been recognized as the guy who had earlier filled out an application at the market for a check-cashing card, using his real address. Drive Through Robbery: One man thought a good way to rob a bank and not get caught was through the drive through. Pulling up to the window, he wrote the teller a note, demanding money. The man even went as far as to holding up a knife. Laughing hysterically, the woman called the police and the suspect was eventually apprehended. Hey I Am 18: An 18-year-old man was charged with robbing a 7-11. When he walked in, pulled a gun a demanded money, the employee didn't panic. She calmly said, "I don't think you're old enough to be robbing us. Don't you have to be at least 16?" The thief then proceeded to pull out his wallet and showed the clerk his driver's license. The clerk quickly memorized the information on the license, than gave the thief the money. The cops arrested the robber at his home. No Warrant - Pontiac, Michigan: Charged with drug-possession, Christopher Johns claimed that he had been searched without a warrant. The prosecutor said the officer did not need a warrant because a bulge in Johns's jacket could have been a gun. "Nonsense," said Christopher who happened to be wearing the same jacket that day. When he handed the judge the jacket, a bag of cocaine fell out. The judge required a five minute recess so that he could gain his composure. Lip Prints - Newport News, Virginia: A peeping tom was arrested in Virginia on Friday. The pervert had left his lip prints on the window. A few days later, he returned to the apartment complex where he was arrested for indecent exposure. The officer lifted the lip print from the window and the state crime lab made a positive match. The man is now behind bars. Later on, Crouton Colin at 5:36 AM Quote of the Day:Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit. - Billy Connolly Today's BOTD:  Now, this is what I call a 'toe' truck:  Here ya go, girlz:  Bumper stickers for those idiots who take up 2 parking spaces:  A new addition to the potato head family:  More bar trivia with Cliff: One in six Irish-Americans has spent a night in jail, compared to one in nine non-Irish.The idea of using music to communicate with extraterrestrials in "Close Encounters of the Third Kind" came from 1960s-era anthropological experiments attempting to communicate with culturally insulated tribes using music. The role of Don Vito Corleone in "The Godfather" was written for Spencer Tracy. The most feared of the Gestapo inquisition squads was run by a man named Jurgen Grump. Captain Grump personally carried out over 70 raids on perceived dens of insurgency before he himself was hanged for treason in 1938. Bolivia is the only South American country that does not export tobacco products to the United States. One in five Americans has an idea for a screenplay or television show. George Washington pronounced his last name "Warshington," a pronunciation many now erroneously see as incorrect. More apple juice is consumed worldwide than all other juices combined. The thumb of an average person today is 21 percent longer than the thumb of an average person born 250 years ago. Fruit bats identify each other by coloring patterns on their feet. More than 2500 left handed people are killed every year from using right handed products." 13 people each year are killed by Vending Machine's falling on them Women blink nearly twice as much as men. Americans on the average eat 18 acres of pizza every day. In 1896 the Tootsie Roll was introduced by Leo Hirshfield Aldrich Hutchins, born in 1943, was born with 18 toes, more toes than any other person on record. Blue pens outnumber black pens by a four to three margin. Watermelons have an odd number of seeds 82 percent of the time. Worldwide, four out of five English speakers don't know the difference between "affect" and "effect." 79 percent of the world's population has never used a computer. *******************  Joke of the Day:John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!" That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night." She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife." "Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said. The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary." She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised meself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come." Later on, Crouton Colin at 5:07 AM Quote of the Day:Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. -Albert Einstein Today's BOTD:  Here's an unusual "night light" for boyz:  Ever wonder about why men have nipples (and other useless animal vestigial organs)?  Every hamster in the U.S. today comes from a single litter captured in Syria in 1930.One out of 21 recordable CDs is defective. Three watts of a high frequency sound held directly to the human ear can cause the eardrum to bleed. 61 percent of computer problems result from interruption in the power supply. In a lifetime, the average person uses 657 miles of toilet paper. 86 percent of computer viruses have some correlation with pornography. When US censors tried to get Universal Studios to change the title of Meet The Fockers to Meet The Fokkers, the studio tracked down a real family called Focker to justify the movie’s title. The real life Fockers live in Canada. Iguanas have two penises. Eighty percent of millionaires drive secondhand cars. Ancient Rome had rent-a-chariot businesses. "Fraternity" was once a term used by thieves to describe themselves. Australians are the heaviest gamblers in the world. "Menophobia" is the fear of menstruation. Seven percent of Americans think Elvis is still alive. The mass of the Sun is about two trillion, trillion, trillion tons. Picasso's full name was Pablo Diego Jose Francisco de Paula Juan Nepomuceno Maria de los Remedios Cipriano de la Santisima Trinidad Ruiz Picasso. According to the polls, the most disliked animal in the world is the snake. In 1910, Georgia Tech's football team beat Cumberland University 222 to 0. The average human brain accounts for two percent of a person's total body weight. The American Automobile Association (AAA) was founded with the sole purpose of warning drivers about police speed traps. A group of peacocks is called an "ostentation." The name of the Wicked Witch of the West's head winged monkey in The Wizard of Oz was named Nikko. Elephant trunks can hold four gallons of water. India is also known as Bharat. Bharat was the name of an ancient Hindu king. The average age of Forbes magazine's 400 wealthiest individuals is 63. In Vermont, the ratio of cows to people is 10-to-1. Ever lose the combination to a lock? Well, here ya go:   Tsunami Uncovers Ancient City in India:MAHABALIPURAM, India (AP) - Archaeologists have begun underwater excavations of what is believed to be an ancient city and parts of a temple uncovered by the tsunami off the coast of a centuries-old pilgrimage town. Three rocky structures with elaborate carvings of animals have emerged near the coastal town of Mahabalipuram, which was battered by the Dec. 26 tsunami. As the waves receded, the force of the water removed sand deposits that had covered the structures, which appear to belong to a port city built in the seventh century, said T. Satyamurthy, a senior archaeologist with the Archaeological Survey of India. Mahabalipuram is already well known for its ancient, intricately carved shore temples that have been declared a World Heritage site and are visited each year by thousands of Hindu pilgrims and tourists. According to descriptions by early British travel writers, the area was also home to seven pagodas, six of which were submerged by the sea. "The tsunami has exposed a bas relief which appears to be part of a temple wall or a portion of the ancient port city. Our excavations will throw more light on these," Satyamurthy told The Associated Press by telephone from Madras, the capital of Tamil Nadu state. The six-foot rocky structures that have emerged in Mahabalipuram, 30 miles south of Madras, include an elaborately carved head of an elephant and a horse in flight. Above the elephant's head is a small square-shaped niche with a carved statue of a deity. Another structure uncovered by the tsunami has a reclining lion sculpted on it. According to archaeologists, lions, elephants and peacocks were commonly used to decorate walls and temples during the Pallava period in the seventh and eighth centuries. "These structures could be part of the legendary seven pagodas. With the waters receding and the coastline changing, we expect some more edifices to be exposed," Satyamurthy said. © The Associated Press. ************************* Jokes of the Day:What did the blonde do When she cracked her tupperware. She called her plastic surgeon. Why did the blonde smile every time there was a flash of lightening? She thought someone was taking her picture. why di the blonde drive around the block 28 times? her right turn signal was stuck. How do you measure a blonde's IQ? With a tire gauge. How does a blonde spell the word "farm"? E-I-E-I-O. Why didn't the blonde make ice cubes? She couldn't find the recipe. what do you call a swimming pool full of blondes? Frosted flakes. what did the blonde name her pet zebra? Spot. ********************* A man's blonde wife decided one day that she was sick and tired of all the blonde jokes, and how all blondes were perceived as stupid and helpless. So, she decided to show her husband that blondes really were smart and self-reliant. Her husband arrived home at 5:30 walked into the living room and found his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat while wearing a ski jacket over her good full-length fur coat. "Darling! Are you alright?" he asked with concern. "Yes, dear. Just a little tired," came the reply. "What have you been doing?" he asked She replied, "Well, I wanted to prove to you that not all blonde women are dumb and helpless. I thought I could do that by painting the living room and dining room." "Well, you've done that, sweetheart," replied her husband as he looked around, "and a nice job of it too. But... what's the deal with the ski jacket and your fur?" "Well, I read the directions on the back of the paint can, and it said, `For best results, put on two coats.'" Later on, Crouton Colin at 4:41 AM Quote of the Day:I want to have children and I know my time is running out. I want to have them while my parents are still young enough to care for them. - Rita Rudner Today's BOTD:  Hey Boobula. It's Monday and you may want a Sick Day excuse. Well then, use THIS to come up with one. Here ya go, girlz: Nice Slippers:  Unique Toilet Brush:  Nice Top, Darlin':   He's got a point:  Optical Illusion:  Cologne for Men:  Hmmmm:  More bar trivia with Cliff: 68 per cent of British people lie to their bosses at least once a week, according to a survey by Cyberslotz.co.uk"If current trends continue, Scientology will be the most popular religion in the world by 2035. Since it's founding in 1978, Apple Computer has recieved over 500 angry letters claiming that it's logo, an apple with a bite taken out, represents the Original Sin. Jeruselem is the only city that has been forcibly taken over more times than Paris. Operators for Disneyland's "It's a Small World" ride have a higher suicide rate than any other profession. At any given moment, about one in five web sites claims to be under construction. The average American runs 2.6 queries at Google.com every day. Only 12 percent of people who like sugar in their coffee don't like cream in it, too. Errant champagne corks kill more than two dozen people every year. One third of fatal champagne accidents occur at weddings. A hermit crab can live for months on the nutrients found in candle wax alone. For every pound of pepper consumed worldwide, 15 pounds of salt are consumed. The tiny nation of Bhutan recently became the first non-smoking country in the world. Citizens of the Himalayan kingdom who fall foul of this law will be fined more than two months salary. Footballers (soccer players) are Stupid - Part Deux: All that remains is for a few dots and commas to be crossed. - Mitchell Thomas The opening ceremony was good, although I missed it. - Graeme Le Saux One accusation you can't throw at me is that I've always done my best. - Alan Shearer I'd rather play in front of a full house than an empty crowd. - Johnny Giles I was surprised, but I always say nothing surprises me in football. - Les Ferdinand It was like the ref had a brand new yellow card and wanted to see if it worked. - Richard Rufus There's no in between - you're either good or bad. We were in between. -Gary Lineker Leeds is a great club and it's been my home for years, even though I live in Middlesborough. - Jonathan Woodgate I took a whack on my left ankle, but something told me it was my right. - Lee Hendrie I couldn't settle in Italy - it was like living in a foreign country. - Ian Rush Germany are a very difficult team to play...they had 11 internationals out there today. - Steve Lomas I always used to put my right boot on first, and then obviously my right sock. - Barry Venison I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don't know into what religion yet. - David Beckham The Brazilians were South American, and the Ukranians will be more European. - Phil Neville Alex Ferguson is the best manager I've ever had at this level. Well, he's the only manager I've actually had at this level. But he's the best manager I've ever had. - David Beckham I've had 14 bookings this season - 8 of which were my fault, but 7 of which were disputable. - Paul Gascoigne I've never wanted to leave. I'm here for the rest of my life, and hopefully after that as well. - Alan Shearer I'd like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona. - Mark Draper You've got to believe that you're going to win, and I believe we'll win the World Cup until the final whistle blows and we're knocked out. - Peter Shilton Without being too harsh on David Beckham, he cost us the match. - Ian Wright I'm as happy as I can be - but I have been happier. - Ugo Ehiogh Speaking of sports, Silly Sporting Quotes: Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious - Alan Minter the bowler is Holding the batsmens Willey - Brian Johnston I spent 90% of my money on women and drink. The rest I wasted - George Best Moving from Wales to Italy is like moving to a different country - Ian Rush You watch the pitlane while I stop the start watch... - Murray Walker He's usually a good puller - but he couldn't get it up that time - Richie Benaud I never criticise referees and i'm not going to change a habit for that prat. - Ron Atkinson What will you do when you leave football, Jack, will you stay in football? - Stuart Hall ******************* Jokes of the Day:A drunk walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "Get everyone here a drink on me, and get one for yourself too" The bartender pours a round of drinks, including one for himself, then says to the drunk, "That will be $45" The drunk says, "I don't have any money" The bartender takes the drunk outside and beats the shit out of him. The next night the same drunk walks into the bar and says to the bartender, "Get everyone here a drink on me, and one for yourself too". The bartender thinks, this guy can't be that stupid to come in here two nights in a row with no money, so he pours a round, has one himself, bumps the guy and says, "That will be $50". The drunk says, "I don't have any money". The bartender takes the drunk outside and beats the shit out of him again. The next night, same drunk walks into the bar, waves a wad of twenty dollar bills in the air and tells the bartender to get a round for everyone. The bartender says, "What, not one for myself?" To which the drunk replies, "Hell no, you get too mean when you drink." ******************* A man was driving down the road. He passed a traffic camera and saw it flash. Astounded that he had been caught speeding when he was doing the speed limit, he turned around and, going even slower, he passed by the camera. Again, he saw it flash. He couldn't believe it! So he turned and, going a snail's pace, he passed the camera. AGAIN, he saw the camera flash. He guessed it must have a fault, and home he went. Four weeks later he received 3 traffic fines in the mail, all for not wearing a seatbelt. ******************* Old man Bailey woke up in the middle of the night and found, to his utter astonishment, that his pecker was as hard as a rock for the first time in two years. He shook his wife by the shoulder until she woke up and pointed to his enormous boner. "You see that thing, woman?" he happily exclaimed. "What do you think we ought to do with it?" With one eye open, his wife replied, "Well, now that you've got all the wrinkles out, this might be a good time to wash it." ******************* A wife went to the police station with her next-door neighbor to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description. She said, "He's 35 years old, 6 foot 4, had dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children." The next-door neighbor protested, "Your husband is 5 foot 4 inches, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children." The wife replied, "Yes, but who wants HIM back?" Later on, Crouton Colin at 4:30 AM Quote of the Day:It's all about communication: 'Hey, send your wife my regards - give her a big hug for me.' That little sentiment can be taken too far, I think: 'Hey. Give your wife a big sloppy kiss, and don't be shy with the tongue. Dart it in and out for me.' - Alex Nussbaum Nice Hat. Today's BOTD:  Giving new meaning to the phrase 'Casual Friday':   Why, it's Britney and she's put on a few pounds since she got married:  Thanks to my good bud Sandy for these next two: The Hippo & The Tortoise:  The Tortoise & the Hippo:NAIROBI, JANUARY 6: A baby hippopotamus that survived the tsumani waves on the Kenyan coast has formed a strong bond with a giant male century-old tortoise, in an animal facility in the Port city of Mombasa, officials said today. The hippopotamus, nicknamed Owen and weighing about 300 kilograms, was swept down Sabaki river into the Indian ocean, then forced back to shore when tsumani struck the Kenyan coast on December 26, before rangers rescued him. "It is incredible. A-less-than-a-year-old hippo has adopted a male tortoise, about a century old, and the tortoise seems to be very happy with being a 'mother'," ecologist Paula Kahumbu, who is in-charge of Lafarge park, told AFP. "After it was swept away and lost its mother, the hippo was traumatized. It had to look for a surrogate mother. It landed with the tortoise and established a strong bond. They swim, eat and sleep together... The hippo follows the tortoise exactly the way it follows its mother. If somebody approaches the tortoise, then it becomes aggressive," she said. Remembering Johnny. A funny bit with Jack Webb and Johnny Carson:  Sports trivia with Cliff: Golfers use an estimated $800 million worth of golf balls annually. The first NBA player to score 38,000 points was Kareem Abdul-Jabar in 1989. Until the 1870s, baseball was played without the use of gloves. At Jack Russell Stadium in Clearwater, Florida, on June 26, 1985, organist Wilbur Snapp played "Three Blind Mice" following a call by umpire Keith O'Connor. The umpire was not amused, and saw to it that Mr. Snapp was ejected from the game. First Instant Replay was used during Army Navy Football Game at Municipal Stadium Philadelphia on December 7, 1963, invented by Tony Verna (CBS Director.) Poland's Stella Walsh (Stanislawa Walasiewicz)-won the women's 100-meter race at the 1932 Olympics in Los Angeles, becoming the first woman to break the 12-second barrier. When she was killed in 1980 as an innocent victim in a robbery attempt, an autopsy declared her to be a male. Speaking of Sports - Footballers (soccer players) are Stupid: My parents have been there for me, ever since I was about 7. - David Beckham I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the league. - Mark Viduka We lost because we didn't win. - Ronaldo If you don't believe you can win, there is no point in getting out of bed at the end of the day. - Neville Southall He's put on weight and I've lost it, and vice versa. - Ronnie Whelan I was watching the Blackburn game on TV on Sunday when it flashed on the screen that George (Ndah) had scored in the first minute at Birmingham. My first reaction was to ring him up. Then I remembered he was out there playing. - Ade Akinbiyi I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel. - Stuart Pearce 40 Mistakes Men Make While Having Sex With Women:  Speaking of Sex:  Why men fall asleep after sex: By David Wilkes, Daily Mail The gentle buzz of snoring is among the most annoying sounds known to woman. Especially when it happens shortly after a passionate encounter. Yesterday scientists explained exactly why it is that men have a tendency to nod off after making love. Apparently, it's nothing to do with wanting to avoid a cosy chat with their partner. According to the scientists, they are simply tired out. 'As frustrating as it is for most women that their male partners just roll over and fall asleep after sex, men aren't entirely to blame,' said Dr Neil Stanley, director of sleep at the University of Surrey. 'Humans are the only animals in which sleep and sex are linked and while often seen as just a poor excuse, there are scientific reasons why men feel tired after sex. 'The blood rush after climax depletes the muscles of energy-producing glycogen, leaving men feeling physically drained. 'Because they have more muscle mass than women, men become tired after sex and this subsequently leads to them feeling sleepy.' Eighty per cent of men said they felt more relaxed and were able to drift off without any problems after making love, compared with 46 per cent of women. Dr Stanley offered some tips on keeping men awake long enough for a cuddle and chat. 'Have sex out of the bedroom, away from the usual sleeping environment, or play uplifting music - not the usual romantic sounds,' he suggested. 'Try I Feel Good by James Brown, Elvis Presley's A Little Less Conversation or Britney Spears's Toxic.' Dr Stanley also recommends his patients to 'talk sex'. 'There is no better time to communicate with one another than after a mutually gratifying sexual experience. 'Discuss all the things you enjoyed and found arousing, try to avoid talking about the negatives,' he said. He suggested the more adventurous could videotape their lovemaking sessions - so they have something to watch afterwards. Not everyone nods off after sex. The survey found 48 per cent of men had actually fallen asleep during the act itself. A mere 11 per cent of women admitted being guilty of this. Okay girlz, size matters in women too:  Her Mother Had Quite A Sense of Humor:  Here's a cool Superman site:  ******************* Jokes of the Day:A fellow in a bar notices an attractive woman, always alone, come in on a fairly regular basis. After the second week, he decided to make his move. "No thank you." she said politely. "This may sound rather odd in this day and age, but I'm keeping myself pure until I meet the man I love." "That must be rather difficult." the man replied. "Oh, I don't mind too much." she said. "But, it has my husband pretty upset." ****************** The state governor of was hosting a costume party. All the gentry were there, and as they arrived, the doorman announced what their characters were. When one couple arrived, he announced "Mickey and Minnie Mouse." When another couple arrived, he announced, "Tarzan and Jane," and so on, as each guest arrived. Later in the evening, a man arrived dressed only in a pair of underpants. Apart from that, he was totally naked from head to toe. After ascertaining that the man was indeed an invited guest, the doorman asked, "How shall I announce you?" The man said, "I'm premature ejaculation." "I'm very sorry, sir," said the shocked doorman. "I cannot announce anything like that to such a gathering." "Okay," said the man, "Just say I came in my underpants." ***************** Bob, a 70 year old extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25 year-old blonde who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob's arm and listens intently to his every word. His buddies at the club are all aghast. They corner him and ask, "Bob, how'd you get the trophy girlfriend?" Bob replies, "Girlfriend? She's my wife!" They're knocked over, but continue to ask. "So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?" Bob says, "I lied about my age." His friends respond, "What did you tell her, that you are only 50?" "No," he replied, "I told her I was 90." ******************* The Top 10 Things NEVER To Say While Lingerie Shopping 10) Try this one on, your sister looks great in it. 9) No thanks, just sniffing. 8) I'll be in the dressing room going blind. 7) Mom will love this. 6) Oh the size won't matter. She's inflatable. 5) No need to wrap it up. I'll eat it here. 4) Will you model this for me??? 3) The Miracle What??? This is better than world peace!! 2) Forty Five bucks?? You're just gonna end up naked ANYWAY!! And the number one thing that a man should never, ever say out loud: 1) Oh, honey, you'll NEVER squeeze your ass into that!! Later on, Crouton Colin at 4:10 AM Quote of the Day:If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. --Jack Lemmon Ye-Ha!. Today's BOTD:  Why, it's Drea De Matteo, and she's LITERALLY coming out of the closet:  Drea De Matteo of "Joey" and formerly "The Sopranos", says: 'I love men and they're who I go out with. But every now and then - well, I can't say I've never been with a woman.' More bar trivia with Cliff: The US Army uses video games to test attack and defense strategies before using them on the battlefield.The amount of information now available through the Internet, if formatted into books, would fill all the world's libraries nine times over. James Bond was based off of a real secret agent of the Crown by the name of Henry Reisinger. Reisinger died in the line of duty before the first Bond book was published. Local phone numbers, excluding area codes, begin with the number five more than any other digit. 33 percent of surveyed Make A Wish Foundation recipients listed themselves as "somewhat dissatisfied" to "dissatisfied" with the service. And now something for the boyz:  The Singing Protective:A SCIENTIST has come up with a musical condom that gets louder as the sex gets more vigorous. The singing protective is designed to be a laugh for couples who want to make their own sweet music, says Ukrainian inventor Dr Grigoriy Chausovskiy. Different lovemaking positions determine what tune is played by the condom, which also works like a normal contraceptive. The rubber has tiny sensors connected to a mini electronic device that produces the sounds. “But there is no danger of being electrocuted,” said Dr Chausovskiy, who has teamed up with a manufacturer to export the condoms to Britain. They will cost about 20 per cent more than normal condoms. “But people will pay for the extra stimulation,” he said. Nice Dress, Darlin':  And, of course you girlz should highlight your assets:  Yes boyz, this is a real site:  Clever Ad:  Clever Covers:  ******************* Due to inherit a fortune when his sickly, widower father died, Charles decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. Going to a singles' bar, he spotted a woman whose beauty took his breath away. "I'm just an ordinary man," he said, walking up to her, "but in just a week or two, my father will die and I'll inherit 20 million dollars." The woman went home with Charles, and the next day ... she became his stepmother. Men will never learn.  The spirit of Ann Nichole lives on ...****************** The Top 20 Things You Hear In A Football Broadcast That Sound Dirty BUT AREN'T: 20. The hole closed on him before he could penetrate it. 19. He came at his blind side and got him from behind. 18. He's off to the sidelines for a quick blow. 17. It's a game of inches. 16. That hole was so big, you could drive a truck through it. 15. When you get down in this area, you just gotta start pounding. 14. He's gonna feel that one tomorrow. 13. He found his tight end. 12. End around. 11. He had to stretch to get it in. 10. He gets penetration in the backfield. 9. He blows them off (at the line) 8. He bangs it in. 7. He could go all the way. 6. He gets it off just in time. 5. He goes deep. 4. He found a hole and slid through it. 3. He pounds it in. 2. He beats them off (the line) 1. He's got great hands. ******************** Man's Guide to a happy marriage: 1. It is important to find a woman who cooks and cleans. 2. It is important to find a generous woman who makes a high income. 3. It is important to find a woman who likes to have wild sex. 4. It is very, very important that these three women never meet. ******************* Knowing I had completed a 20 year career in the Air Force, when a friend asked me what job I had, I told him I was a pilot. Sensing he was in the presence of greatness and wanted to be sure he heard correctly he asked again, "Were you really a pilot?" "Sure," I said. When the supply truck came every morning, the sergeant looked at me and said, "Hey, you. Pile it over there." ******************* An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that the "accident of evolution" had created. "What majestic trees! What a powerful river! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself. As he walked alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look and saw a 7-foot grizzly charging towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in on him. He ran even faster, so scared that tears were coming to his eyes. He looked over his shoulder again and the bear was even closer. His heart was pumping frantically and he tried to run faster still. He tripped and fell to the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up, but saw the bear... right on top of him...reaching for him with the left paw and raising his right paw to strike him. At that instant the atheist cried out "Oh my God, please help me..." Suddenly, time stopped. The bear froze in motion. The forest was ever so silent. Even the river ceased to move. A brilliant ray of light emerged from the sky and shone upon the man. A powerful voice spoke to him, "You have denied my existence for all of these years; you teach others that I do not exist and you credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you now as a believer?" The atheist blinked directly into the light "It would be hypocritical of me to convert to a Christian after all these years, but could you instead make the bear a Christian?" "Very well," said the voice from above. The bright light disappeared. All of a sudden, life resumed around the man. The river ran again. The forest became alive once more with the gentle sounds of nature. The bear stirred. Slowly, he lowered his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head and graciously spoke: "Lord, for this food which I am about to receive, I am truly thankful." Later on, Crouton Colin at 4:30 AM Quote of the Day:'Extreme' is an overused word in advertising. Everything is extreme now. Extreme sports, Taco Bell extreme value combos, Jolly Ranchers with extreme watermelon flavour! Some products are best left on the shelf. Like - Extreme Tofu, with their slogan, 'Now with an even more unobtrusive taste!' - Alex Nussbaum Today's Hump Day Hunkette(s):  For my good bud Karen, here's a Hump Day Hunk:  Of course, for your OFFICIAL Hump Day Hunk, you simply must go to Karen's site:  Why, it's Chyna, that's who. No, not china -- Chyna. MAKEUP, PAH-LEEZ!!  Aaah, that's a little better:  Speaking of cabinets, My kinda liquor cabinet:  Eeeeee, Yuck:  Oh-Oh:  Wheeee!  The General Lee, redoux:  Hmmmmmmm?   Keepin' it safe  Another One: Strong Quake Strikes Off Indonesian Coast: HONG KONG (AP) - A strong earthquake hit off the coast of the Indonesia's Sumatra island early Tuesday in an area south of where the massive, tsunami-generating quake struck nearly two months ago, Hong Kong seismologists said, but no damage or casualties were reported. The magnitude 6.0 quake was centered in seas 120 miles northwest of Padang. That city is about 560 miles southeast of Banda Aceh - the provincial capital closest to the epicenter of the Dec. 26 magnitude-9.0 temblor that triggered the Indian Ocean tsunami. Monday's quake was recorded in Hong Kong at 1:13 a.m., the Hong Kong Observatory said in a statement. The quake caused no damage nor casualties, Sumarso, chief of the local Meteorology and Geophysics Agency, said in the nearby city of Padang Panjang. © The Associated Press. All rights reserved. ********************** 10 Ways To Tell Someone Their Fly Is Unzipped: 1. The cucumber has left the salad. 2. Someone tore down the wall, and your Pink Floyd is hanging out 3. Your soldier ain't so unknown now. 4. Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells. 5. Elvis Junior has LEFT the building! 6. Mini-Me is making a break for the escape pod. 7. You've got your fly set for "Monica" instead of "Hillary". 8. You've got a security breach at Los Pantalones. 9. I'm talking about Shaft, can you dig it? 10. Men are From Mars, Women can see Your Penis Later on, Crouton Colin at 4:32 AM Quote of the Day:I see a lot of bicycles with baby seats on the back. Is this really fun for the kid? Dad's enjoying the fresh air and sunshine. Junior's got his nose wedged between sweaty butt cheeks all afternoon. - Jonathan Droll Today's BOTD:  For you working folks who are buried under a mountain of paperwork or a myriad of office projects, here's three items for ya: Help!  Advise For My Boss: How to Enhance Our Working Relationship 1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 5:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is refreshing. 2. If it's really a 'rush job', run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it's going. That helps. 3. Always leave without telling anyone where your going. It gives me the chance to be creative when somebody asks me where you are. 4. If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books or supplies, don't open the door for me. I need to learn how to be more independent and do without any help, which is why I work here. 5. If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which is the priority. Let me guess. It builds management skills and my inate ability of mind reading.  6. Do your best to keep me late. I like the office and I really have nowhere to go and nothing else to do. My life is yours. 7. If a job pleases you, keep it a secret. Leaks like that could cost me a promotion. 8. If you don't like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversation. 9. If you have any special instructions for a job, don't write them down. In fact, save them until the job is almost done, or better yet until it is done, so I can learn repetitive perfection doing it your way. 10. Never introduce me to people you're with. When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them. 11. Be nice to me only when the job I'm doing for you could really change your life. 12. Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and it's nice to know someone else is less fortunate. For that pesky supervisor or co-worker(s):  February 2005:  Cool Site:  More bar trivia with Cliff: Phoenix, Arizona has the highest number of smokers per capita of any U.S. city.When first introduced in the late 1800s, a synthetic fur coat was six times more expensive than a real fur coat. Bees are more likely to sting on the neck than anywhere else on the body. After achieving national recognition for the light bulb, Thomas Edison unsuccessfully ran for mayor of his hometown. The average person will handle less than 94 different $100 bills in their lifetime. Roughly eight eggs are consumed each year for every person on earth. To relieve stress Bob Dole would, without warning, volunteer to give tours of the Senate building to school tours. The number of professional accordion players has dropped 92 percent in the last 40 years. The average person loses approximately 100 hairs a day. Pubic hairs can be transferred from room to room on socks. 54 percent of lost earrings are never found. Most puzzles with over 1,000 pieces are never completed. Time zone differences cost the world economy over 12 billion dollars a year in lost efficiency. Users of earbud headphones, like the ones that come with an iPod, experience a 61 percent increase in ear wax production. The average person changes their underwear every 2.21 days. Early in his career Harry Houdini was forced to cut a world tour short when he was accused of witchcraft, in South Africa, a crime punishable by death at the time. Any given day, one in 12 people describes themselves as having a "bad hair day. 42 Civil War renactors were injured last year when their historical simulation erupted into a Yankee versus Dixie brawl. The average time between posting an email address on a website and the first piece of spam received is 6.21 hours. Contrary to their popular depiction, most barns are white, not red. Approximately three new manuscripts are discovered each year that are initally attributed to William Shakespeare. Only one in the last 50 years has ever been conclusively proven to authored by the Bard. A yellow jacket can sting 14 times before running out of venom. The ashes of the average cremated person weigh nine pounds. A recent survey by Harvard University showed that East Coast Canadian men practice "self loving" more than any other world wide. The same report showed that men from East Bay, California were more likely to wear make up and wear ladies underwear. Notable deaths this week in history: In 1963, Sylvia Plath, the author and poet known for such works as "The Bell Jar," killed herself. She was 30. In 1981, rock 'n' roll singer Bill Haley, considered a pioneer of the rock music genre, died after complications of a brain tumor. In 1993, American tennis player and social activist Arthur Ashe died of AIDS at the age of 49. In 2001, Dale Evans, actress, singer, and writer of songs and books, who was part of the acting team with her husband Roy Rogers, died at the age of 88. Sex in Advertising:  Hey Boyz --  It's been said that once a picture is posted on the internet, it never goes away:   If George W. Bush really wants to protect America, he should create a “Department for ‘Ho-Land’ Security.” That’s the advice of San Francisco-based sex worker advocate Carol Leigh, who says cities can cut down on crime and terrorism by having prostitutes patrol the streets. Leigh figures the presence of prostitutes can deter burglaries, drug dealing and other crimes that thrive on isolated streets. It’s not a new idea. Leigh says law enforcement officials throughout history have used prostitutes as lookouts and informants. In fact, today’s cops regularly pressure prostitutes into reporting crimes – but Leigh says it’s a form of blackmail. She believes America’s hookers would be more effective enforcers if their profession was decriminalized and they could walk the streets without being branded criminals. ************************ One day, Farmer Bob is in town picking up supplies for his farm. He stops by the hardware store and picks up a bucket and an anvil, then stops by the livestock dealer to buy a couple of chickens and a goose. Farmer Bob, realizing he must find a way to carry all of his purchases home, asks the livestock clerk for advice. The livestock clerk says, "Why don't you put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?" "Hey, thanks!" says Farmer Bob, and off he goes. While walking he meets a young woman. She tells him she is lost, and asks, "Can you tell me how to get to 1515 Mockingbird Lane?" Farmer Bob says, "Well, as a matter of fact, I'm going to visit my brother at 1616 Mockingbird Lane. Let's take a short cut and go down this alley. We'll save half the time to get there." The girl says, "How do I know that when we get into the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt and ravish me?" Farmer Bob says, "I'm carrying a bucket, an anvil, two chickens and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?" The girl replies, "Set the goose down, put the bucket over the goose, put the anvil on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens." Later on, Crouton Colin at 4:30 AM This one's devoted exclusively to Valentine's Day (which is TODAY, in case any of you boyz didn't realize it): I hope that all you lovely ladies out there get that special valentine from the one(s) you love.  If not, there's always this, right girlz?  As for me, The Lovely D always was, is, and forever will be my one and only valentine. I love you (and I'm still IN LOVE with you), Baby   Valentine's Day is one of most women's favorite holidays. They want to be shown how much they're loved with a great gift.WOMEN ON VALENTINE'S DAY (according to a survey by WomensWallStreet.com) -- JUST SEND FLOWERS: - The most desired gift is the flowers and dinner combo, which garnered 19 percent of votes. - Second place, with 16 percent of the vote, went to flowers, once again, but this time all by themselves - no card or gift needed. - Topping the list for worst gift was a tie between household appliances like vacuums, blenders and washing machines, and a stuffed animal -- each winning 17 percent of votes. - Tied for second place are chocolates and lingerie, each with 9% of the vote. - Third place goes to gym memberships (7%). - Tied for last place are gift certificates and electronics (DVD players/ TVs and the like) scoring 3% each. - 30 percent of women say that spending between 20 and 50 dollars is enough for a Valentine's Day gift. Only 23 percent of women thought it necessary to spend more than 50 dollars. And just which of these will you being doing today, Hmmm?  Just in case you boyz have any doubts as to what kinda flowers to get her, here's some hints:  Be sure to stay away from these Valentine's Day blunders:  No wonder some of you girlz are confused about the boyz attitude towards Valentine's Day:  Of course, there's the down side to Valentine's Day:   Valentine's Day bar trivia with Cliff: 'Broken Heart Syndrome' Mimics Heart AttackStress Hormones May Stun Heart After Bad News or Surprises Jennifer Warner for WebMD Medical News - Suffering from a "broken heart" may actually be a real medical phenomenon that mimics a heart attack but may be much less dangerous, according to a new study. Researchers say the potentially lethal effects of emotional stress are well known in folk wisdom, as demonstrated by the phrases "scared to death" and "broken heart." But new evidence shows that broken heart syndrome may be an actual medical condition brought on by a surge of stress-related hormones that temporarily "stun" the heart. The study suggests that people who have broken heart syndrome may often be misdiagnosed as having had a heart attack when they've actually experienced something else called stress cardiomyopathy, which doesn't cause permanent damage to the heart. Researchers say some people may react to sudden, extreme emotional stress by releasing large doses of stress hormones and other chemicals into the bloodstream. These chemicals can be temporarily toxic to the heart and stun the muscle, producing symptoms similar to a heart attack, like chest pain, fluid in the lungs, and shortness of breath. "After observing several cases of 'broken heart' syndrome at Hopkins hospitals -- most of them in middle-aged or elderly women -- we realized that these patients had clinical features quite different from typical cases of heart attack, and that something very different was happening," says researcher Ilan Wittstein, MD, assistant professor at The Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine, in a news release. "These cases were, initially, difficult to explain because most of the patients were previously healthy and had few risk factors for heart disease."  Company Won't Pull Straightjacketed Bear:SHELBURNE, Vt. (AP) - A straightjacketed "Crazy for You" teddy bear has drawn rebukes from the governor, mental health advocates and human rights groups - but it's a hit among shoppers. The $69.95 bear, which is accompanied by commitment papers, is selling well despite complaints that it insults and stigmatizes those with mental illness. Vermont Teddy Bear Co. President Elisabeth Robert says the bear is meant as a funny Valentine's Day greeting and has been popular among customers. "We made a very difficult decision not to withdraw it from the market," she said. "I listened to customers, from a lot of feedback from our employees. These people are Vermonters who really don't like to be told what to do." Mental health advocates have called for the company to stop selling the bear, calling it "tasteless" and saying it stigmatized the mentally ill. Gov. Jim Douglas called the bear insensitive and inappropriate. Robert said the company had planned the bear as a one-time offering for Valentine's Day, and that it will continue selling the bear until it is sold out. She said the company is "truly sorry if we hurt anybody with this bear" but added that freedom of expression was at stake. She said the bear got "the highest favorability rating" from customers and that she consulted with the Vermont Teddy Bear board of directors and radio stations that advertise the bear before deciding to keep it. "We're not in a position to be told what we can and cannot sell," she said. © The Associated Press. All rights reserved. Later on, Crouton Colin at 4:20 AM Quote of the Day:Up until a month ago, people in New York were being killed for their coats. I don't think that's right. If you're gonna kill someone for their coat, I think you should eat them too. - Laura Kightlinger  More of The Lingerie Bowl. Today's BOTD: Silly molecule names:  A Psycho Ex-Girlfriend in the making:  No EXTRA Charge:  My kinda fisherman's Guide:  The meaning of divorce from some guys' perspective:  Understanding Women:  More bar trivia with Cliff: The common cold is actually any of over 300 different viruses. Each one of them, like the chicken pox, can only be caught once in a lifetime.Of America's floors, 61 percent are carpet, 21 percent are linoleum, and 12 percent are wood. Dentists estimate that while four out of five of their patients claim to brush their teeth twice a day, only one in three actually does. Although they are commonly assumed to go together, phrase "once upon a time" predates "and they lived happily ever after" in printed books by almost 150 years. Over half of the comic books sold in the United States last year were printed in Japan. Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing. Chew Over This: Today, the average American chews 300 sticks of gum a year. Detectives have been known to identify criminals by comparing the suspect's chewed gum to their dental records. The largest piece of gum produced was the equivalent of 10,000 pieces of gum, it was presented to baseball great Willie Mays in 1974. Swallowed gum won?t clog up your intestines, but it will be with you for a few days. Gum base can?t be digested so it will pass through your system in one piece. Walter Diemer, an accountant for Fleer, invented modern bubble gum, in 1928. Pink was the only coloring nearby when he made the first batch and so the trend was set. The gum was named Dubble Bubble. In Singapore it is illegal to chew bubble gum and chewing gum. There are fines or a year in jail if you are caught doing this. The law was brought into effect in 1991 because too many people were throwing their gum in public places which caused several problems. Japanese pickup lines: Poketto-ni futon-ga hait-teru - I have a futon in my pocket Lub-hoteru-EEK-U-ZO!!!! - Onwards to the Love Hotel! Kimi-te honto-ni kirei-dane - You're really pretty. Mae-ni atta-koto aru? - Don't I know you from somewhere? Ichiman-en kashite-kureru? - Can I borrow 10,000 yen? Kino-watakusan nomisugita-ne? - You drank too much last night didn't you? Nampa-shita! - I scored (when playing a girl for sex) Kimi-no-koto igai-wa kangaerarenai - I can't live without your love. Bakku shito-ni suwaro - Let's get in the back seat. Ima Shiyo - Let's do it now. Shinu-hodo aishiter - I love you so much i could die. Kimi-to netai - I want to make love to you. Nani iro-no shitagi-o tsuketeru-no? - What color is your underwear? Shikkusu-nain suki - Let's do the sixty-nine. Bakku-de shiyo - Let's do it doggy style. Shinken-ni naritakunai. - I don't want to get serious. Itsu kekkon-shitai? - When do you want to get married? Suitaru-ga ii-na - You have a nice figure. Boko-no me-o mite - Look into my eyes. Boku-ga hoshii-nowa kimi-dake - You're the only one I want. American pickup lines: I'm a sex bomb. Defuse me! Screw me if I'm wrong but I think you want to sleep with me. Are you free some time next week or do you charge? Was your mother a baker? Because you have great buns. Just call me Vitamin C. I'll do your body good. I looked up sexy in the dictionary earlier, and there you were! I'm not usually this tall, I'm sitting on my wallet. Are you a parking ticket? Because you've got fine written all over you. Somebody call the police. It must be against the law to look as good as you. Will you treat me like a tent and put me up for the night? Cute Bus Stops:  Everybody needs a hobby:  ************************* Jokes of the Day:Q. What do you call a woman who has lost her mind? A. A Widow ************************* A woman walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic. He asks, "What for?" She says, "I want to kill my husband." He says, "Sorry, I can't do that." She then reaches into her handbag and pulls out a photo of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife and hands it to him. He says, "You didn't tell me you had a prescription...." Later on, Crouton Colin at 4:33 AM Quote of the Day:
The optimist thinks this is the best of all possible worlds. The pessimist fears it is true. -- J. Robert Oppenheimer Lingerie Bowl Lineup. Today's BOTD:
 SPAM:  Hmmmmmm:  My Kinda Site:  Nice top, girl:  Why boyz like golf:  Hey, it gets hot out on that tennis court:  More bar trivia with Cliff: Less than one per cent of water on earth is available for us to drink – most of it is seawater or trapped in glaciers.
A RECORD 2,201 cases of groping on trains in the rush hour has been reported by police in Tokyo, Japan - the worst figure in 40 years. In 1825, after no presidential candidate won the necessary majority, the House of Representatives elected John Quincy Adams the sixth president of the United States. 26 percent of iPod Minis distributed are acquired for free through internet banner and pop up advertisements. The average rubberband can strech up to 5.2 times its length before breaking. The letters "WD" in WD-40 refer to the weight and density of the lubricant, 40 representing the ratio thereof. Breakfast ceral is more commonly consumed as an afternoon snack than a morning meal. The first grocery laser scanner was installed in a Safeway in Santa Monica, California, in 1972, and is still in use today. Blondes have more hair than dark-haired people Mayonnaise is said to be the invention of the French chef of the Duke de Richelieu in 1756. While the Duke was defeating the British at Port Mahon, his chef was creating a victory feast that included a sauce made of cream and eggs. When the chef realized that there was no cream in the kitchen, he improvised, substituting olive oil for the cream. A new culinary masterpiece was born, and the chef named it "Mahonnaise" in honor of the Duke's victory. Here ya go, girlz:   You like crossword puzzles? Well, here ya go then:  Mistranslations into English: A doctor's office in Rome: Specialist in women and other diseases. A Finnish hotel's instructions in case of fire: If you are unable to leave your room, expose yourself in the window. Ad for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like to ride your own ass? In a Czech tourist agency: Take one of our horse driven tours - we guarantee no miscarriages. A temple in Bangkok: It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed like a man. Cool Site:  ************************* Joke of the Day:
A man goes into a bar and says: "I'd like something tall, icy and full of gin." The barman turns and shouts in the kitchen: "Hey, Tracey! Someone to see you!" Later on, Crouton Colin at 4:29 AM Quote of the Day:
In England, if you commit a crime, the police don't have a gun and you don't have a gun. If you commit a crime it's, 'Stop, or I'll say stop again'! - Robin Williams Today's Hump Day Hunkette:  For my good bud Karen, here's a Hump Day Hunk:  Of course, for your OFFICIAL Hump Day Hunk, you simply must go to Karen's site: Speaking of men, Hmmmmmm:  Fun Site:  Words of Wisdom, right girlz?  A little late, ain't it?  Miss Piggy takes a walk on the wild side:  More bar trivia with Cliff: Fashion experts say that around one half of all suits currently being worn at any given moment are "out of style."
The technical name for a plus sign (+) is a quadrapoint. Red-haired people are twice as likely to be married by age 23 than their blonde-haired counterparts. U.S. Banks currently hold $48.6 billion in unclaimed inheritance funds. Wyoming leads the nation in the ratio of federal tax dollars going in, versus federal tax dollars coming back at $1.42 received for every $1 paid. Liverpool’s Penny Lane , immortalised by The Beatles, attracts 50,000 tourists a year. A solar eclipse occurs on average once every 18 years. Combining the two things that boyz love the most:  So many pedestrians (other cars, motorcycles and animals too), so little time:  Why boyz like to go shopping:  And the Number 1 reason why girlz tend to choose tennis over other sports:  ************************* Joke of the Day:
The other day I was walking down Main Street when I suddenly heard car tires screeching behind me. I turned around and saw a car just as it was running down a woman at a pedestrian crossing. Not extremely hard, but enough to knock her to the ground in front of the car. The driver jumped out of the car in a panic and ran up to the woman to check if she was ok. She was not bleeding or anything but seemed a little dizzy. He shook her slightly, but the woman still seemed to have a hard time focusing. So he asks her: "Are you all right, are you all right?" "I don't know," she answered. "Are you in pain?" "No, but . . . I can't see." "This can't be true!, of course you can see!" the man shouted. "No, I can't see!, I can't see a thing!" So the man gets a little desperate, holds up three fingers in front of her, looks her straight in the eyes and says: "How many fingers do you see?" "I can't see any!" she cries, "I've gone blind!" "But you can't be blind." he cries desperately, "Tell me you aren't blind. You can't turn blind this way." "I don't know about that, but I still can't see" she replies. To check out if she's just losing consciousness, or if she's really gone blind he desperately shakes his hand, still three fingers up, in front of her face and says: "How many fingers do I have up?" And she replies: "Ah shit!, I'm paralyzed as well." Later on, Crouton Colin at 4:24 AM Quote of the Day:
It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it. - George W. Bush  Today's BOTD: 
Everthing's okay: 
Nice ice sculpture: 
A Blonde's Computer Store: 
Speaking of which, she was soooooooo blonde that she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats. Quite a slot machine: 
Eau de WHAT???!!!: 
My kinda University: 
Is nothing private anymore? 
Nice put down: 
More bar trivia with Cliff: In Europe in the 1500s, bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or "upper crust."
The highest point in Pennsylvania is lower than the lowest point in Colorado." Kids who first bite the heads off of "Teddy Grahams" and other animal-based snacks tend to show violent behavior later in life. Marketing executives at KY-Jelly did not realize the sexual connotations of their slogan "See what happens" until after their campaign began. Most books being sold in used book stores are selling for less than the cost of publishing them. Even those allergic to nuts will end up consuming more than two pounds of nuts in their life. By number, Americans constitute 4.6 percent of the world's population and seven percent by weight. There is no US patent declared for the personal computer. Due to small irregularities in Earth's orbit, the length of day will shrink or expand by up to .003 seconds each year. 12 percent of married couples divorce within six months of purchasing a house. The music of Elvis Presley is banned in seven different countries across the world. In its first year of business Amazon.com was sued by the Amazon Bookstore in Frankfort, Michigan for stealing their name. 
On the flip side, Why Men Cheat: 
************************* Jokes of the Day:
The Reverend John Flapps was the pastor of a small town. One day he was walking down the high street, when he noticed a young lady of his congregation sitting in a pub drinking beer. The Reverend wasn't happy. He walked through the open door of the pub and sat down next to the woman. "Miss Fitzgerald", he said sternly. "This is no place for a member of my congregation. Why don't you let me take you home?" "Sure", she said with a slur, obviously very drunk. When Miss Fitzgerald stood up from the bar she began to weave back and forth. The Reverend realised that she'd had far too much to drink and grabbed her arms to steady her. When he did, they both lost their balance and tumbled to the floor. After rolling around for a few moments, the Reverend wound up on top of Miss Fitzgerald, her skirt hiked up to her waist. The pub landlord looked over and said,"Oi mate, we won't have any of that carrying on in this pub." The Reverend looked up at the landlord and said, "But you don't understand, I'm Pastor Flapps." The landlord nodded and said, "Oh well, if you're that far in, you might as well finish." ************************* Rodney Dangerfield: I was so poor growing up ... if I wasn't a boy... I'd have had nothing to play with. A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over; nobody's home." I went over. Nobody was home. It's been a rough day. I got up this morning ... put a shirt on and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom. I was such an ugly kid... When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up. I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and radio. I was such an ugly baby... My mother never breast-fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend. I'm so ugly... My father carried around a picture of a kid that came with his wallet. When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled through." I'm so ugly... My mother had morning sickness... AFTER I was born. I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof. Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said, "I don't know kid. There are so many places they can hide" My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday. I'm so ugly... I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I'd get. I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and I look in the mirror...I feel like throwing up; What's wrong with me?" He said..."I don't know but your eyesight is perfect." I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff. Some dog I got. We call him Egypt because in every room he leaves a pyramid. His favorite bone is in my arm. Last night he went on the paper four times - three of those times I was reading it. One year they wanted to make me poster boy for birth control. My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in the electric chair. I'm so ugly; when I was born the doctor slapped my mother ************************* Bizarre Classified Ads: Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family. A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms. Dinner special - Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef, $2.25; Children, $2.00. Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too. Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory. Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night. For Sale. Three canaries of undermined sex. For Sale -- eight puppies from a German Shepard and an Alaskan Hussy. Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it. Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours. Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so service-able that lots of women wear nothing else. Stock up and save. Limit one. For rent: 6-room hated apartment. Christmas-tag sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person. Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink. We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00. Later on, Crouton Colin at 4:43 AM Can you say DYNASTY? The New England Patriots, for many years the whipping boy of the NFL, have now won the Superbowl for the third time in four years. So they rank right up there with the best of 'em. Quote of the Day:
Growing old is like being penalized for a crime you didn't commit Nice top, Girl. Today's BOTD: 
Nice pair of Harleys, Girl: 
Nice bottoms, Girlz (or, I hate to see her leave but I sure love watchin' her go): 
In case you can't read it, it says "Free with One Dinner": 
Speaking of jeans, here ya go girlz: 
Speaking of tops and bottoms, according to the BBC, a survey of 2,000 new mums revealed that they wished they had the top half of Catherine Zeta-Jones and the bottom half of Victoria Beckham. Hey Boyz -- Lookin' for that one of a kind hydraulic jack for your car? Well, here ya go then: 
More car stuff -- Unique license plates: 
Now this is what I call a feel: 
For youze girlz, here's a different kinda faucet: 
This site is so cool -- All about Roman legionaries, Gladiators, Vikings, and Medieval Knights (Oh yeah, you gotta try out the interactive stuff -- really informative): 
URL: http://www.pbs.org/wnet/warriorchallenge/vikings/profile.html More bar trivia with Cliff: The game Yahtzee was originally played by gold miners in the 1850s.
An adult Andean condor can fly while carrying a fully grown sheep over one mile. The average independent film is shot at a cost of one twentieth the average Hollywood film's advertising budget. More than 180 trillion leisure hours were lost to work in 2004. Nine percent of over-the-counter prescriptions are written for placebos. Apparently there are no words in the English language that rhyme with these four words. month orange silver purple A rat's sneeze contains no bacteria. Three original members of Monty Python died in a bus accident two months before the troupe began production for the premiere of their BBC television show. Most people eat waffles around once per year. Thomas Jefferson once wrote of George Washington shortly after he assumed office, "Though an able commander, I presume the General knows little of diplomacy and tact. His manner is often rude and his mood is quite unstable." At each campaign stop, George Bush kissed an average of 4.1 babies, while John Kerry kissed only 1.2. Henry Winkler, who played Arthur Fonzarelli on the show Happy Days, is celebrated in his hometown of Ulliott, Minnesota with a small statue depicting a closed hand with a thumb raised skyward. Canadians will eat, on average, six fortune cookies each year. Despite its low price, Top Ramen is the sixth highest grossing packaged food product. The average house has more spoons than forks. An American's nap will usually last around 31 minutes, compared to a European's nap which usually lasts 84. The dime has the highest ratio of value to weight of any coin in the world. Three former presidents have been selected as commissioners of Major League Baseball after finishing their terms. The winter of 1918 was the only year cold enough that all of Niagara Falls froze. A piece of paper and 10 matchsticks use roughly the same amount of wood. The animated character Gumby was originally intended to be blue. One out of 15 Americans don't know the order of the months. A cup of tea in the penthouse lounge of the Mandarin Oriental Hotel in Hong Kong will set you back 500 Hong Kong dollars. This equates to thirty three GB Pounds or sixty one US Dollars." 43 percent of all legal pads are yellow. • Shoelaces have an average lifespan of 3.2 years before breaking. • Bananas account for 83 percent of Ecuadors exported goods. • Experts predict that by 2009 cellular phones will outnumber conventional phones three to one. • One quarter of Starbucks' garbage is taken up by used coffee grounds. Now this is some kinda hot sauce:  You've heard of Nicorette gum to help quit smoking? Well here's a gum to curb that other habit:  Cool watermelon carvings: 
Finally for you science enthusiasts out there: 
Nice swimsuit, Darlin': 
Gotta love that Anna: 
************************* Jokes of the Day:A nun and a priest were traveling across the desert and realized halfway across that the camel they were using for transportation was about to die. They set up a makeshift camp, hoping someone would come to their rescue, but to no avail. Soon the camel died. After several days in the desert heat, they realized that they were not going to be rescued. They prayed a lot (of course), and they discussed their predicament in great depth. Finally the priest said to the nun, "You know, Sister, I am about to die, and there's always been one thing I've wanted here on earth -- to see a woman naked. Would you mind taking off your clothes so I can look at you?" The nun thought about his request for several seconds and then agreed to take off her clothes. As she was doing so, she remarked, "Well, Father, now that I think about it, I've never seen a man naked, either. Would you mind taking off your clothes, too?" With little hesitation, the priest also stripped. Suddenly the nun exclaimed, "Father! What is that little thing hanging between your legs?" The priest patiently answered, "That, my child, is a gift from God. If I put it in you, it creates a new life." "Really!," replied the nun, "Well forget about me. Stick it in the camel!" ************************* Two drunk men were sitting in the park. The first one says, "Ya know, when I was 30 and got a hard-on, I couldn't bend it with both hands." "By the time I was 40, I could bend it about 10 degrees if I tried really hard." "By the time I was 50, I could bend it about 20 degrees, no problem. I'm gonna be 60 next week, and now I can almost bend it in half with just one hand." "So", says the second drunk, "What's your point?" "Well", says the first, "I'm just wondering how much stronger I'm gonna get!" Later on, Crouton Colin at 4:39 AM A coupla things going on today. First up, I feel like sh*t, so I'm not up to doing a real blog post. Plus, I'm taking some time this weekend to learn the ins and outs of my new server host. But I'll be back on Monday with a full blown post complete (I hope) with pictures. Have a great weekend, y'all. Later on, Crouton Colin at 6:17 AM I'm taking a short break until my server services are restored. So it's gonna be a light one for today and tomorrow. Quote of the Day: I bought a bird feeder. It was expensive, but I figured in the long run, it would save me money on cat food. - Linda Herskovic Today's BOTD:  So girls, you've been invited to a Superbowl Party but haven't got a clue as to what the Superbowl (and/or football) ia all about? Well, dazzle the boyz with these Superbowl factoids: Top 10 Heartbreak Moments in Super Bowl History: © 2004 The Sports Xchange. All Rights Reserved. They are the indelible moments of every Super Bowl, the celebratory confetti falling from the sky, the Vince Lombardi Trophy hoisted to the heavens, and the annual proclamation from the game MVP that he's going to Disney World. The emotions of victory are powerful indeed. How else do you explain the tears of joy that roll down the cheeks of hulking football players who pride themselves on toughness and machismo? But emotion is a two-way street, and on Super Bowl Sunday, for every tear that drops in victory, there are two or three that moisten in defeat. Every game has a winner, every game has a loser. Every game has a hero, every game has a goat. Every game has a moment of triumph that we will never forget. Every game has a moment of failure that we will never forget. Here is a list of the top 10 Super Bowl heartbreaks: 10. The Vikings Lose, Again Perhaps this was going to finally be the year for the Vikings, already three-time Super Bowl losers in a game that had only been played 10 times to date. Fran Tarkenton and company were up against John Madden's rebellious Raiders at the Rose Bowl, but early on it was apparent this day would be no different for Minnesota than any of its previous Super Bowl failures. Oakland scored on three consecutive possessions in the second quarter to take a 16-0 lead, and then hard-hitting Raiders safety Jack Tatum delivered one of the most vicious hits in Super Bowl history when he crunched Minnesota's Sammy White, sending White's helmet flying through the air. Fortunately, his head wasn't still in it. Late in a game that was already decided, Hall of Fame cornerback Willie Brown provided the exclamation point on the Vikings' woe by intercepting a Tarkenton pass intended for White and returning it down the sideline for a Super Bowl-record 75-yard touchdown return. The final was 32-14, and more than a quarter century later the Vikings haven't been back to the Super Bowl. 9. Dawson Gambling Accusations It should have been one of the greatest weeks of Len Dawson's life, but instead it became, as he would say, "an ordeal for me.'' The classy quarterback of the Kansas City Chiefs, fresh off an AFL Championship Game victory over arch-rival Oakland, arrived in New Orleans ready to prepare for Super Bowl IV against Minnesota. Instead, he spent the week defending himself from allegations that he was involved in a gambling controversy. Just five days before kickoff, NBC reported that Dawson, Joe Namath of the Jets, Bill Munson of Detroit and Karl Sweetan of the Rams - all quarterbacks - were going to be called to appear before a federal grand jury in Detroit which was investigating sports gambling. Dawson's involvement stemmed from his casual friendship with Donald Dawson (no relation), a known gambler and bookmaker who had been arrested a few days earlier. Len Dawson was asked by pro football commissioner Pete Rozelle to take a lie detector test, which he passed, and the league's independent investigation exonerated him of any wrongdoing, so when NBC aired its report, Rozelle was livid and called it "totally irresponsible." "Unfortunately it put a great deal of stress on me, and more so on my family, but I asked the good Lord to give me the strength and the courage to play my best," Dawson said following the Chiefs' 23-7 victory over Minnesota, a victory he hardly could enjoy. 8. Why Not Walter? The 1985 Chicago Bears will forever be regarded as one of the greatest teams in football history, their 18-1 final record and 46-10 Super Bowl XX rout of New England the ultimate proof. They were superbly talented, expertly coached, ridiculously confident, and impossibly controversial. Quarterback Jim McMahon was the ringleader of this circus, and there were a cast of characters who followed behind their headband and sunglass-wearing, punk-haired pied piper. Perhaps the most recognizable was William "The Refrigerator" Perry, the Bears' mammoth rookie defensive tackle who became an instant legend that year for his girth, his gap-toothed smile, and because coach Mike Ditka used him as a fullback in a few instances, even allowing him to carry the ball. It was good for a few laughs, watching the rotund 350-pounder pancaking overmatched defenders, but late in the third quarter of the Bears' annihilation of the Patriots, Ditka went to the Perry card once too often. One of the classiest players the NFL has ever known, Walter Payton, on the back end of his career and playing in his first and only Super Bowl, had not yet scored a touchdown in the game even though the Bears were ahead 39-3. Faced with a first-and-goal at the 1, Ditka should have called Payton's number and allowed the NFL's all-time leading rusher at the time to add another line to his Hall of Fame resume. Instead, Ditka opted for theater, the Fridge got the ball, and he plunged in for a touchdown. 7. Whitney Houston's National Anthem Steve Tasker, the Buffalo Bills' great special teams player from their Super Bowl days and now a CBS television analyst, knew it was no ordinary day when he was standing on the sidelines before Super Bowl XXV listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem. "They have the flyover with the jets which you see a lot and it's usually no big deal, but then the attack helicopter flies over with a gun on it, with a soldier hanging out the side, low enough where you can tell the guy hadn't shaved that day and they flew it like they meant business," Tasker recalled. "And then Whitney Houston hits the last note of the Anthem and I look over at Larry Nemmers who's one of the officials and he's crying his eyes out. I turn around and look in the stands and everybody has a little American flag and they're waving it with one hand and wiping their eyes with the other." No, the day Super Bowl XXV was played was no ordinary day, and it was no ordinary game. The United States had just entered Desert Storm and American men and women were risking their lives in Iraq and Kuwait, yet the Super Bowl went on. There was talk of canceling the game, but it was only talk, so the Bills and Giants took the field and gave everyone a game for the ages. New York won 20-19, but other than Scott Norwood's field goal which sailed wide right, depriving Buffalo of the victory, what is most remembered about that game was Houston's stirring rendition of the Star-Spangled Banner that tugged at heart strings all over the country, and the world. Sure, it came out a few days later that it was pre-recorded, but no one seemed to mind. As Tasker said, "It became a hit single." 6. Eugene Robinson Gets Hooked The morning before he was to play in Super Bowl XXXIII for the Atlanta Falcons, highly-respected safety Eugene Robinson was presented the Bart Starr Award in recognition of his "high moral character." Ever eloquent, Robinson thanked everyone associated with the award, then went out later that night and embarrassed those very same people, not to mention himself and his family. While his wife and children were back in their Miami hotel room, Robinson went down to South Beach and was charged with soliciting an undercover police officer for oral sex. His arrest was quite obviously the biggest news of the week. Robinson played the next day at Pro Player Stadium against Denver, but he wasn't mentally into the game. In the second quarter he was beaten badly by Denver's Rod Smith and John Elway took advantage, firing an 80-yard touchdown pass that gave the Broncos a 17-3 lead. Robinson was playing in the Super Bowl for the third year in a row. He had won a championship with Green Bay in 1996, lost to these same Broncos in 1997, and then lost 34-19 in this game. 5. Robbins, Wilson Go AWOL The pressure and the excitement of the Super Bowl can be overwhelming for the players who are participating, and for a select few, it can also be debilitating. That would be the case for Cincinnati Bengals running back Stanley Wilson and Oakland Raiders center Barret Robbins, who could not answer the bell in the biggest game of their lives. The night before Super Bowl XXIII in Miami, Wilson, who had been suspended the entire 1987 season for drug abuse, relapsed and went on a cocaine bender. When he didn't show up for a team meeting, Bengals running backs coach Jim Anderson went up to Wilson's hotel room and found him on the bathroom floor, cocaine still evident on his upper lip and nostrils. He did not play against the 49ers the next day, and he was permanently banned from playing in the NFL. Fourteen years later in San Diego, Robbins disappeared early on Saturday before the Raiders were to play the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, and he didn't re-surface until the morning of the game. Raiders coach Bill Callahan dismissed Robbins from the team and he did not play in Oakland's 48-21 loss to the Bucs as he watched the game from a hospital bed. It turned out that Robbins' day-long disappearance was the result of a medical condition he was suffering from called bipolar disorder, a stress-sensitive condition associated with a chemical imbalance in the brain and marked by extreme mood swings. Robbins wandered around aimlessly from Friday night until Sunday morning, even winding up in Tijuana, Mexico for a stretch of time, before he made it back to the Raiders hotel. 4. The Longest Yard One of the most exciting Super Bowls, No. XXXIV at the Georgia Dome, came to a thrilling conclusion when St. Louis linebacker Mike Jones tackled Tennessee wide receiver Kevin Dyson one yard shy of the end zone on the final play of the game. Had Dyson scored, this would have been the first Super Bowl to go into overtime. The Rams had blown a 16-0 lead as Tennessee tied the game with 2:12 remaining on an Al Del Greco field goal. League MVP Kurt Warner put St. Louis back on top on the first play after the kickoff with a 73-yard touchdown pass to Isaac Bruce, and the Titans' Steve McNair came firing right back. McNair drove the Titans downfield, and after avoiding a sack to complete a 16-yard pass to Dyson, Tennessee was positioned at the Rams' 10 with six seconds to go. With no timeouts, the Titans hurried to the line and McNair attempted a quick pass to a slanting Dyson who caught the ball in stride at the Rams' 3. However, Jones was right there to corral Dyson, preventing his outstretched arm from reaching the goal line as the gun sounded. "When he got his hands on me, I thought I was going to break the tackle," Dyson said. "But he got my foot, tripped me up and wrapped up nice. That's what he's supposed to do. That's his job." 3. Leon Lett It was one year after the fact, and Dallas defensive tackle Leon Lett looked like he was facing a firing squad. At the end of Super Bowl XXVII, Lett had made one of the all-time bonehead plays in Super Bowl history. Just before crossing the goal line for what would have been a 64-yard fumble return for a touchdown, Lett decided it was time to showboat so he stuck the ball out to the side and started high-stepping. Unbeknownst to him, Buffalo's Don Beebe was hot on his trail and just before Lett scored, Beebe swatted the ball away to prevent the Bills from further embarrassment in a game they were already losing 52-17. Now, both teams were back for Super Bowl XXVIII, and the mass media descended on Lett, anxious for his re-telling of the tale. Lett lasted only a few minutes before sweat began pouring down his face and he begged out of the session suffering from an anxiety attack. Since that night in Pasadena, Beebe's play has been hailed as the ultimate act of hustle while Lett has been chastised as the ultimate hot dog who got what he deserved. 2. Jackie Smith's Drop Jackie Smith was the consummate professional, a man who played 15 years in the NFL for the St. Louis Cardinals, and his impressive body of work landed him permanent residence in the Pro Football Hall of Fame. Smith retired following the 1977 season as the all-time leader for tight ends in receptions and receiving yards, content to move on with his life as the owner of Jackie's Place, a restaurant in St. Louis. But then came a fateful telephone call from Dallas Cowboys coach Tom Landry in the fall of 1978, and Smith's life was never the same thereafter. Landry persuaded Smith to come out of retirement to play for Dallas, and after playing in just one postseason game during his time with the usually woeful Cardinals, Smith was rewarded for un-retiring with a trip to Super Bowl XIII with the Cowboys. That didn't work out quite as nicely as Smith would have hoped. In the third quarter, the Cowboys were trailing 21-14 when Roger Staubach fired a pass over the middle in the end zone to Smith who was wide open. However, the normally sure-handed Smith had the ball bounce off his hands and chest, and the Cowboys had to settle for a field goal. Dallas went on to lose the game by four points, 35-31, the four points Smith saw slip through his fingers. Despite all his accomplishments, that one play is the one Smith is remembered for, and Staubach, for one, thinks it's unfair. "He was so open, I could have punted it to him," Staubach said. "It wasn't a good throw. I took too much off of it. If you're casting blame, it was 50 percent my fault and 50 percent Jackie's. That's why it's so unfair, so unjust that Jackie's gotten hammered in the deal." 1. Wide Right The tears did not flow from Scott Norwood that night in the Bills' locker room underneath Tampa Stadium. They came the next day back in wintry downtown Buffalo when Norwood and the rest of the Bills were greeted by nearly 30,000 fans at a welcome home reception following the team's heartbreaking 20-19 loss in Super Bowl XXV. Norwood, whose 47-yard field goal with four seconds remaining sailed wide of the right upright, preventing the Bills from defeating the New York Giants, was given the loudest ovation and he could not contain his emotions, so overwhelmed was he by the response. "I wasn't so much hurting because of the kick itself," Norwood said. "The kick was about the people. It wasn't about anything else. It wasn't about monetary gain or some great stature for myself or anything else. When you talk about the Buffalo Bills, it really is about the community and the people who support it. They had a lot of emotions invested in us. It was an emotional time. I just felt bad for the people." To this day Norwood's kick - still the only win-or-else field-goal attempt in a Super Bowl - is one of the most famous plays in Super Bowl history as it gets replayed ad nauseum during the week of the Super Bowl. He has moved on with his life, but there are many Bills fans who can't forget the failed attempt, especially given the fact that Buffalo lost the next three Super Bowls and never came that close to winning again. ***************** Joke of the Day:
The young Swedish au pair had been working for the couple for over a year. While pleasant and hardworking, the girl still struggled with the English language. One day she informed the Lady of the House, that her boyfriend in the Army was coming for a visit. "That's wonderful. How long is his furlough?" asked the lady. "Oh... about the same as your husband's, but a little bit thicker." the au pair replied. Later on, Crouton Colin at 6:16 AM Today's a very special day. It's my very dear friend KAREN'S birthday today. And no, I won't tell you how old she is -- suffice it to say she's looking better, not older. So, if you haven't done so already, pop on over to her site and wish her a happy one. Happy Birthday, sweetie!   Quote of the Day: I stay away from the miserable people, because misery loves company. Just look at a fly strip. You never see a fly stuck there saying. 'Go around! Go around!' - Margaret Smith Today's Hump Day Hunkette:  For your OFFICIAL dose of the Hump Day Hunk: Well, I managed to exceed my server upload quota, so I'm unable to post any new pictures for a few days. Baby fined for littering: By GUY PATRICK A BABY boy landed his dad with a 50 pound litter fine — for throwing an empty can out of his pram. Elliot Nightingale became the latest victim of Britain's daft fines culture at just 16-MONTHS-OLD. He playfully tossed the Pepsi Max can into a bush after 21-year-old dad Lee put it in his pram. But it was spotted by a litter enforcement officer who stung the jobless labourer with the on-the-spot penalty. Last night Lee, of Oldham, Greater Manchester, branded the fine "absolutely ridiculous". Lee, who lives with the tot's mum Teresa Nadin, 19, added: "Elliot wouldn't understand he was doing anything wrong. I tried to get the can out of the bush but it was thorny and I had to leave it. "I offered to go back and try again but was told it was too late and I had to pay." Graham Boundy, of Oldham Council, warned that anyone aged ten or over would be fined for dropping litter, including cigarette butts, chewing gum, apple cores, crisp packets and drink containers. He added: "The council is committed to maintaining a clean and pleasant borough." Ex-Wife Exacts Ebay Revenge: by Mark Poepsel KOLD News-13 Reporter On a Tucson woman's Ebay profile, the headline reads: "Divorced and Finally Getting Her Due." Kim Dryden says after 17 years of marriage she felt neglected by her husband, who she says spent their entire life savings on baseball cards and memorabilia. Now, she's taking it to him by taking his collection to Ebay. "It's all worth it," said Dryden. "I just sit here and giggle through the whole thing going, 'I'm going to so send this link to him and he's going to scream!' And there's nothing he can do about it." Dryden says Mark Granieri spent tens of thousands of dollars buying sports memorabilia indiscriminately. "Since that was so important, I'm going to sell the things on Ebay and gather up receipts and mail them to him," she said. Dryden says at one point he took her car and the last of their money and went to Cooperstown, the baseball hall of fame. W hen he got back, she was ready with divorce papers. "Fanatic doesn't even begin to cover it," she said of his collecting as she shuffled through thousands of cards from the 80s and 90s. She's got baseball books, clothes, caps, rare cards, complete sets, and it's all up for grabs. Interviewd by phone, Granieri says his ex-wife won the memorabilia in the divorce. He admits he treated Dryden badly at times. He says he's getting treatment in a 12-step program and has learned material goods don't matter. But that's not what some collectors say. "It'd be like tearing my heart out," said Doug Adelberg, at a Tucson sports card show. "I've got cards I still have I won't give to my son. I've given him the ones that aren't any good, but I've got the other cards that are valuable and put those in a safe deposit box. My wife doesn't even have the key." Over the past few weeks, Dryden has worked to put more items up for sale. "I have an entire climate-controlled storage shed full of stuff," she said. Dryden's tale begs the question: Why did she stay in that marriage so long? "He wasn't a wife beater. He wasn't a drug addict, so how hard can it be really?" she said. She found out when she realized he was not only spending their disposable income, he was failing to pay bills. "In a ballpark sense," she estimates, "he probably spent 10 thousand dollars each year over 17 years." Granieri says he wants Dryden to have a good life. She says she's working on it. Dryden says even if she sells everything in online auctions, she won't get most of the money back. She has some valuable items, but many are not worth what her husband paid. Still, she's looking ahead with plans to marry an old flame and start a new life. Sneaky Ways to Measure Potential: It's your first date, maybe your second, and the person across the dinner table from you is drop-dead gorgeous...and that's about all you know at this point. But if it's lasting love you're looking for, handsome is as handsome does. Here, some sneaky ways to figure out if your new partner has potential. She (Yes!) Has Cats: Stupid clichés aside, a great date will have a cat, or a dog, a nephew they're nuts for.... even a plant will do. A person who can get up and feed something every day is not one afraid of commitment. You want to know this new honey can nurture and be there for something day in and day out. Does He Feel Lucky? Well, punk, do you? People who think they're lucky in some way are grateful people. Which means that a grateful date is one who will later feel fortunate to have you in his or her life and will make sure you feel the love. Lucky you! There's Some Passion: Not just the between-the-sheets kind, but the kind that makes him or her really excited about something in life. Whether its rock-climbing, volunteerism or music, a passionate person will really add something to your life... and your bedroom. She Buckles Up: Does she buckle her seatbelt? Does he eat all his vegetables? Look for those little gestures that show your date cares about him or herself and his or her well-being. You've Got Enough Sexual Attraction (For Another Date): The way he or she looks, smells, talks, smiles....something - or everything - about this person should give you a little zing! of sexual excitement. That said, you don't have to feel an entire lifetime's worth of that zing! all at once. Forget about whether or not you'll be together 'til death do you part, is there enough attraction to warrant a date number two? If the chemistry's not there, all the potential in the world won't make up for it. © Fun Online Corporation. By Laura Snyder Fallen U.S. Porn King Goldstein Rebuilds With Bagels: By John Zawadzinski NEW YORK (Reuters) - He spent a lifetime peddling smut and once had an $11 million fortune, but after losing everything and becoming just another homeless New Yorker, Al Goldstein is now happy pushing bagels instead of porn. Goldstein, a founding father of America's porn industry, now hustles bagels and white fish at a New York-based deli and catering establishment. "I've always loved food more than sex, so this is really my first love," said Goldstein, 69, now a cold-calling salesman for New York City Bagels. "I've gone from broads to bagels." ************************** Jokes of the Day:Speaking of Bagels: Mrs. Morgenstein goes into Shecky's Deli at 9 am. and asks Shecky for a dozen bagels. Shecky replies, "Sorry Mrs. Morgenstein, we're out of bagels till 12 o'clock" Mrs. Morgenstein is back at 10 am. and asks Shecky for a dozen bagels, and Shecky answers, "Sorry Mrs. Morgenstein, we're out of bagels till 12 o'clock." Again at 11 am. Mrs. Morgenstein goes into the deli and asks Shecky for a dozen bagels. Shecky replies. "Mrs. Morgenstein, how do you spell 'cat' as in catastrophe?" "C-A-T" "Very good Mrs. Morgenstein, now how do you spell 'dog' as in dogmatic?" "D-O-G" "Right Mrs. Morgenstein, now how do you spell 'fuck' as in bagels?" "There isn't any fuck in bagels" replies Mrs. Morgenstein! "Exactly Mrs. Morgenstein. Come back at 12 o'clock." ************************** Q: What grows up while growing down? A: A Goose ************************** A man went to the tattoo parlor and had the words "yes" and "no" tattooed on his penis. When he got home that night, he approached his wife in their bedroom. He stripped off his pants and shorts, revealing his aroused organ and its new tattoo. "What do you think, honey?" he asked his wife. Very deliberately she said, "You tell me how to cook, you tell me how to clean the house, you tell me how to do the laundry ... and now you're going to put words in my mouth?" ************************** The preacher was preaching with all his might. The subject was SIN, and he was most certainly 'against' it. A girl, with a wonderful figure, and not nearly enough clothes to hide much skin, came in late. She strode down the center aisle, close to the front, and sat down. It was plain to the preacher that he had lost the men in his audience to this voluptuous sex-object. He shook a fist at her and said, "You are the Jezebel the good book tells us about. You have got the mind of every man in this building on evil thoughts and not good thoughts. But I am a man of God! You don't affect me, and right now up in Heaven, Saint Finger is shaking his Peter at you!!" Later on, Crouton Colin at 4:10 AM Not much for today. A really bad day for finding good stuff out there. I don't believe in the afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear - Woody Allen Today's BOTD:  Hmmmmm:  THIS LINK thanks to my good bud Sandy. More bar trivia with Cliff: Swiss cheese is the most popular cheese worldwide.
One in 25 eggs contain Salmonella. At any given time, the average temperature in the world is 51° F. Tomatoes contain more vitamins relative to their mass than any other vegetable or fruit. Iodized salt has been shown to cause brain cancer in laboratory animals. Coca-Cola was one of the first companies to sell its product at a loss to generate initial interest. The most expensive block of cheese ever sold weighed 10 pounds, and sold for $21,400. 38 percent of offices have casual Fridays. Gershwin is the only composer to have written an orchestral part for the conch shell. The American Civil Liberties Union has sued three separate library systems, attempting to force them to move the Bible into the fiction section. One pair of rats can produce 15,000 offspring in a year. Rats can chew through concrete. A quarter of all fires of an unknown origin are caused by rats chewing through cables. Germans spend a larger percentage of their collective income on alcohol than any other country. The Mayans believed eating earwax would bring fertility. A higher percentage of Americans know the words to their national anthem than Canadians who know the words to theirs. Penguins are almost completely deaf. According to a University of Chicago study, the average person who describe themselves as "very interested in anime" showers once every three days. Americans bought more than 1.2 BILLION fresh cut roses last year. That's 4.67 roses for every man, woman, and child nationwide. ***************** Joke of the Day:
There was a hound dog laying in the yard. An old man in overalls was sitting on the porch. "Excuse me, Sir, but does your dog bite?", the tourist asked. The old man replied, "Nope." So the tourist stepped out of his car. The dog ran over snarling and growling and bit him on his arms and legs. As the dog was dragging him away the tourist was flailing around in the dust and yelled, "I thought you said your dog didn't biet!" The old man replied, "Ain't my dog." Later on, Crouton Colin at 5:12 AM
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    The
Commonwealth of Massachusetts is one of four of the United States to officially designate themselves Commonwealths (Kentucky, Pennsylvania and Virginia are the other three).
Colloquially, Massachusetts is often referred to simply as "the Commonwealth," although "state" is used interchangeably. While this designation is part of
the state's official name, it has no practical implications. Massachusetts and the other 3 Commonwealths have the same position and powers within the
United States as other states.Although there were many Native American tribes and subtribes living in the area, such as the Narragansett, Abenaki, Pokanoket and Wampanoag among others, the newly arrived Puritans decided on naming the colony the Massachusetts Bay Colony, after the Massachusett Native American people who inhabited the bay area. The name Massachusett has been translated as "near the great hill," "by the blue hills" "at the little big hill," or "at the range of hills."   The Flag of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts displays, on both sides, the state coat of arms centered on a white field. The shield depicts an Algonquin Native American with a bow held in his right hand and an arrow held in his left hand. The arrow is pointed downward, signifying peace. A white star with five points appears next to the figure's head, signifying Massachusetts' admission as the 6th U.S. State. A blue ribbon surrounds the shield, bearing the Commonwealth's motto in latin: Ense Petit Placidam, Sub Libertate Quietem ("By the sword we seek peace, but peace only under liberty"). Above the shield is the state military crest: a bent arm holding a broadsword aloft. The sword has its blade up, to remind that it was through the American Revolution that liberty was won. The flag was officially adopted in 1908, but had been used unofficially since the American Revolution.          How To Swim With
Sharks:   History of the Boston Red
Sox:     Who's Here                   /not-a-brothel.jpg)                              Summertime:       Learn more about Peak Oil at
EnergyAndCapital.com.
                           Extreme
Kung-Fu:     Don't Mess With
Grandma:  Airbags save lives:   The
Potatoheads:  Do Penguins Fly?              /ground-zero.jpg)     Back in the Day:   Orgasms Around
the World:/orgasm-switch.jpg)    The Female Brain at
Work:  Famous and
Notorious Women:   German
Third Reich Women:    Super
Heroines:  And More:  When The Workin' Day Is Done, Girls Just Wanna Have Fun:  /early.jpg)            /no-evil.jpg)  A Girl's Best Friend:     More Girls Best
Friends:         /turned-on.jpg)                      /men-multitask.jpg)     Gravity - The Bane of All Girls:                                 No Wonder
Granny's Dancing:                    School Daze:   The Male Brain at
Work:                 /hardy-boys.jpg)                The
Perfect Woman Trophy Goes To:     Beer in the Frig:   Heh-Heh-Heh:    Pay Attention,
Boys:   /at-the-office.jpg)                                                  Life's a
Beach:              Just a Day at the
Beach:    /new-bar-stool.jpg)            The Right Way To
Make Wine:  Nice Wine
Rack:  Your Package is
Here:    /pancakes1.jpg)                              Why Men Love
Women and Sports:   /morning-workout.jpg)               Oooh, Archery:   Shush!
We're hunting birdies:                                 Going
Down:            The Kama Sutra:   A Man's
Remote, A Manly Man's Remote:      /Yo-Yo-Bandalore-1.jpg) My kinda Yo-Yo's:    Deserted
Islands        A Quick History of the South:            How to Make a Redneck Girl's Top:   Redneck Waitress:  /georgia-girl.jpg)  Redneck Thanksgiving:  Redneck
Dictionary:      A Redneck
Poem:SUSIE LEE DONE FELL IN LOVE, SHE PLANNED TO MARRY JOE. SHE WAS SO HAPPY 'BOUT IT ALL, SHE TOLD HER PAPPY SO. PAPPY TOLD HER, "SUSIE GAL, YOU'LL HAVE TO FIND ANOTHER. I'D JUST AS SOON YA MA DON'T KNOW, BUT JOE IS YA HALF BROTHER." SO SUSIE PUT ASIDE HER JOE AND PLANNED TO MARRY WILL BUT AFTER TELLING PAPPY THIS, HE SAID, "THERE'S TROUBLE STILL. YOU CAN'T MARRY WILL, MY GAL, AND PLEASE DON'T TELL YA MOTHER. BUT WILL AND JOE, AND SEVERAL MO' I KNOW IS YO' HALF BROTHER." BUT MAMA KNEW AND SAID, "MY CHILD, JUST DO WHAT MAKES YA HAPPY. MARRY WILL OR MARRY JOE; YOU AIN'T NO KIN TO PAPPY."       
 From Arabia Thinking Outside The
Box:  Life in a
Harem:  Arabian
Slaves  Arabian
Dancer:  Early
Photography
 Great Art         A Short History of
the United States:    The
American Revolution:       Women of the
American Revolution:    Naughty
Colonials:   Major Battles  The American Colonial
Navy  The French Fleet Arrives
Just In Time:  The
American Civil War:        The
Confederate Plot to  New York City:  The Great
Locomotive Chase:  George Armstrong Custer came close to expulsion from the United States Military Academy due to excessive demerits, many from pulling pranks on fellow cadets. He graduated last in his class of 1861. Ordinarily, such a showing would be a ticket to an obscure posting and mundane career, but he had the fortune to graduate just as the war caused the army to experience a sudden need for new officers. Early in the Gettysburg Campaign, Custer's association with cavalry commander Major General Alfred Pleasonton earned him promotion from First Lieutenant to Brigadier General of United States Volunteers at the age of 23 (one of the youngest generals ever). He was also the first Union officer to scout enemy positions from a hot air balloon. Thomas Ward Custer, a younger brother of George Armstrong Custer, was also a United States Army officer during the American Civil War and was a two-time recipient of the Medal of Honor for bravery. He perished with his brother George at Little Bighorn in the Montana Territory.  This definition of Sherman's would later be called Total War by historians. The purpose was twofold. First, it was designed to cripple the South's ability to wage war. Second, it was an attempt to force southern soldiers to make a choice - either fight or desert the army to defend their homes and farms (which seemed to have the desired effect. By 1865, there were approximately 100,000 southern deserters). Virginia's Shenandoah Valley was vital real estate in the Civil War. Economically it was one of the nation's top wheat-growing regions (the Midwestern prairie was not yet broken to the plow) as well as a variety of other food crops. Phillip Sheridan's Shenandoah Valley Campaign called ("The Burning")was a huge success. The Union Army of the Shenandoah left the Southern farmland a desolate landscape of destruction. As testimony to this effort, Sheridan left a written record bearing witness to the scope of his accomplishment. The buildings and materials destroyed or seized included: 1,200 barns, 71 flour mills, 8 sawmills, 7 furnaces, 4 tanneries, 3 saltpeter works, a woolen mill with 1,165 lbs. of cotton yarn, a powder mill, a railroad depot, and 974 miles of rail. The livestock taken included: 15,000 swine, 12,000 sheep, 10,918 cattle, 3,772 horses, 545 mules, and 250 calves, with 435,802 bushels of wheat, 77,176 bushels of corn, 20,397 tons of hay, 500 tons of fodder, 450 tons of straw, 12,000 lbs. of bacon, 10,000 lbs. of tobacco, and 874 barrels of flour.  Sheridan's victory was pivotal. This staggering amount of destruction and confiscation at the hands of his army assured, without a doubt, that the Shenandoah Valley would be useless to the Confederate army and to the South for some time. Without the Shenandoah Valley, Lee's critical supplies were cut off. Without supplies, the end of the Confederacy was indeed in sight. No other campaign in the entire war has contributed more to keeping alive sectional feeling than William T. Sherman's march through Georgia and South Carolina. Sherman and his army of 60,000 Union soldiers began the march through Georgia on November 15th 1864 without benefit of a supply train or any communication with the outside world with his final objective being the coastal city of Savannah. His advantage was that he had been given detailed information on where in Georgia he could best resupply his army and since the march began just after the Georgia crops had been harvested, Sherman's foragers found the Georgia barns bursting with grain, fodder, and peas, the outhouses full of cotton, the yards crowded with hogs, chickens, and turkeys. The soldiers in the Southern armies were starving, not because there was no food, but because the railroads had been destroyed and it was impossible to send supplies to the front. Sherman (who was affectionately called "Uncle Billy" by his soldiers) was not content simply to use what food and supplies he needed, but boasted that he would "smash things to the sea" and make Georgia howl. His men entered dwellings, taking everything of value that could be moved, such as silver plate and jewelry; and killed and left dead in the pens thousands of hogs, sheep and poultry. Many dwellings were burned without any justification. Sherman in his own Memoirs testifies to the conduct of his men, estimating that he had destroyed $80,000,000 worth of property of which he could make no use. This he describes as "simple waste and destruction." One of the most serious aspects of his work was the destruction of the railroads; the Central from Macon to Savannah, for instance, was almost totally ruined.   On the day following Sherman's entry into Savannah he sent this telegram to President Lincoln: "I beg to present you as a Christmas gift the City of Savannah, with one hundred and fifty guns and plenty of ammunition, also about twenty-five thousand bales of cotton." The South also used harsh methods. On his march, it was discovered that confederates had planted torpedoes (land mines) in the roads. Sherman found these hidden torpedoes to be contrary to the rules of war. Sherman ordered that Confederate prisoners of war walk the roads ahead of Union troops to locate and dig up these mines. Confederates also murdered Union prisoners of war which prompted Sherman to issue a similar retaliatory order (but Union soldiers considered his order so repugnant, it was seldom carried out).  The Dark Side of the Civil
War Camp Douglas, Chicago, Illinois:  Reconstruction is the era in the U.S. history from 1863 to 1877, when the U.S. focused on abolishing slavery, destroying all traces of the Confederacy, establishing the rights of Freedmen (the name used for freed slaves), and through three new constitutional amendments - the Thirteenth Amendment banning slavery; the Fourteenth Amendment banning race-based voting qualifications; and the Fifteenth Amendment which prohibits denying a citizen the right to vote (strengthening the role of the federal governments and its courts). Reconstruction policies were debated in the North as soon as the war started, and began in earnest after the Emancipation Proclamation, issued on January 1, 1863, and the federal occupation of major parts of southern states allowed the formation of new, loyal state governments. President Abraham Lincoln was the major policymaker until his death in April, 1865. Reconstruction began in each state as soon as federal troops controlled most of the state. It ended at different times in different states. The Compromise of 1877 saw the collapse of the last three Republican state governments in the South, so 1877 is the usual date given for the end of Reconstruction, although some historians extend the era to the 1890s. The bitterness and repercussions from the heated conflicts of the era lasted well into the 20th century. "Reconstruction" is also the term used in textbooks for the history of the entire U.S. 1865-1877. July 24th 1866 -Tennessee was the 1st June 22nd 1868 - Arkansas was the 2nd June 25th 1868 - Florida was the 3rd June 25th 1868 - Alabama was the 4th June 25th 1868 - Louisiana was the 5th June 25th 1868 - North Carolina was 6th June 25th 1868 - South Carolina was 7th (June 25th 1868 - GEORGIA FIRST readmittance) December 22nd 1869 - Second reconstruction for Georgia began(Kicked OUT !) January 27th 1870 - Virginia was the 8th February 23rd 1870 - Mississippi was the 9th March 30th 1870 - Texas was the 10th Mar. 30, 1870 - The 15th Amendment is added to the Constitution. July 15th 1870 - GEORGIA READMITTED AGAIN - Georgia was the 11th and last Confederate state to be readmitted back into the Union.   Religious
Stuff                                    Get Thee to a
Nunnery:                               The Real Temptation in the Garden of Eden:                                         The Spread of the Bubonic Plague:  Atlantis:  Hero of Alexandria: Visitors Since 1 April 2004:  
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